Attn: Entrepreneurs
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in toda's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called "Who Represents" where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company.
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales :
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church . Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Taken from Johnny

 

Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hilarious list and posted them to the web.

1. Not allowed to watch South Park when I'm supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.
11. Not allowed to join the communist party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'
27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).
37. Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.
38. Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. 'Keep on Trucking' is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.
54. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. ‘The Giant Space Ants' are not at the top of my chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you'.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no ‘Anti-Mime' campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers'.
69. May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad'.
74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish' things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor'.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom'.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad'.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. ‘Redneck Zombies' is not a military training aid.
97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.'
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to ‘waterproof’ dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
127. ‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s® IV is acceptable.
128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.
130. ‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
136. Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!’ while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.
142. 'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.
144. 'K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free' is not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke®.
148. Putting red 'Mike and Ike's'® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is 'Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!'
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light® batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to 'guard the flight line'.
154. Shouldn't treat 'piss-bottles' with extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
156. I will no longer perform 'lap-dances' while in uniform.
157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
163. Take that hat off.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
165. I do not get 'that time of month'.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'.
170. Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
172. 'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).
175. We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.
176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
177. I am not to refer to a formation as 'the boxy rectangle thingie'.
178. I am not 'A lesbian trapped in a man's body'.
179. On Army documents, my race is not 'Other'.
180. Nor is it 'Secretariat, in the third'.
181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for 'wall-to-wall counseling'.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups®.
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something 'I saw in a cartoon'.
185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn'.
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
190. Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not 'That's what you think'.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn't use Photoshop® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
203. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
206. Not allowed to get shot.
207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...this was the same dinner.)
210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

 

We have Marines and other military fighting and dying attempting to bring democracy to a foreign country. What will you be doing on November 7? In Iraq, even attempting to vote can get you or a relative assassinated. Through two plus centuries, freedom is one of the things Marines have fought, bled and died for. File your absentee ballot or wear your gear to the polls and vote for the candidate of your choice. Don't like any of the choices? Write in your own name. This nation has been well served by Marines and Marine Family. We need more of those people in Washington.
s/f Dennis Benson
Proud Marine Dad

 

 

His Immediate Response

Sgt Grit:
I truly enjoy your newsletters. Thanx for doing them. I write today to tell you of two things that have happened to me recently. I have encountered two brother Marines under different circumstances but both responded to me in ways that continue to give me continued pride in who we are – Marines. My wife and I were at our neighbor's home for a little dinner party at which she was introducing her aging parents to all of us after her parent's move from Oklahoma. Later in the evening our neighbor approached me asking if I had been a Marine. I acknowledge that experience had been in my past and she said that her father (the party guest of honor) was a WWII Marine. My response to her was "I knew there was something I liked about him." She called her father over to our little-standing-around group and introduced me as having been a Marine. His immediate response to our delight was "I knew there was something I liked about him". I could only smile at the surprised look on her face. Her dad and I talked for a long time. What a wonderful evening that was later sitting with this man – this Marine - and swapping stories. He was at Iwo Jima and with artillery. The second encounter with a fellow Marine came in late afternoon rush hour traffic. Kansas City has an interstate highway that circles the city to facilitate vehicular movement. In the four lane flow, I noticed an EGA sticker on the back window and one of Grit's license plate frames on the vehicle that came past me on my starboard side. He became stuck behind some slower vehicles which impeded his continued advance in that lane. I slowed my speed to allow him space to change into my lane. I caught his eye by waving him over in front of me which he appreciated. He gave a friendly wave in thanks to which I responded with one of the snappiest Marine hand salutes I could muster. He returned a properly executed Marine hand salute of his own. I know not his name but we are brothers who take care of our own even in rush hour traffic. That sticker in his window rated a courtesy that I do not normally afford vehicles operated by slimy civilians gaggling about without purpose.
William Ferreter
Marine 1971-20??
PLC '71, '72
TBS '73-74
Active '74-84

Not Enough

Rest assured Cpl, you are not alone.
We are Marines! We are the hardest charging group of women and men our country has to offer. We are drawn to the Corps because we are at heart, warriors. Those of us who did not see combat will probably ALWAYS feel as if we did not do our job, are slacking, unsat etc etc. We are trained and socialized by or time in to look down upon those %10 'ers who are not pulling their weight. I will always feel as if I SHOULD be there with "my" Marines, fighting the good fight ( which means any fight we are told to go to, regardless of politics ).
This feeling is, I guess, pretty common.
After reading another book on Iwo Jima, I noted that a Marine Lt. mentioned in the book lived not too far away from my home town. I googled him, found a retired Dr. and by every measure a very successful and balanced individual. When I mentioned my feelings of inadequacy, of being a slacker, he said he understood. This Marine, who spent some three weeks of combat on Iwo, attacking EVERY day ALL day, said he had the exact same feelings of inadequacy because he spent ONLY three weeks fighting. Imagine that. He lost about %70 of his platoon, led Marines incredibly well, was a hero to his men and he felt as if he did not do enough. NOT ENOUGH!
I realized then, that I will ALWAYS feel this way. I am trained to feel this way. If this hero still feels this way, I should honor my own service, be proud of being a Marine who did not see combat (it was not my fault the winds of war were not blowing at the time) and get on with life with all the gusto and warrior spirit I have. I may be a peacetime Marine, but I am still one hard charging, fired up, willing to give all to my country, individual. Such is my lot in life.
I now live as a Marine in this civilian world. I did more for this country than most did. I was WILLING to fight, WANTING to fight. Sometimes that has to be enough.
Semper Fidelis
Scott E. Gray
Sgt. Lima 3/1 84'-87'

Notice Details

In the beautiful Northwest the days are warm, but the vine maples have begun to turn red and the bracken ferns have begun to die. The weather is still sunny and warm, but the living things know that summer is gone. With the sun lower in the sky, it is possible to see the profusion of spider webs in the morning sun. On certain days, when the west wind blows and the light is just right, I can see the long strands of spiders' webs blowing in silence through the fir trees. The spiders are busy, hunting and setting traps for the coming winter. Hunters know the realities.
On October 7th, The Oregonian newspaper, of Portland, Oregon ran the following column on the far left of the front page: 'Marines killed Iraqi civilian, medic says'. I tend to notice details in life. The Marine Corps taught me that and Vietnam gave me the field experience. The title is incorrect on two counts. First, the Marines don't have medics: the army has medics. Second, to say that a civilian was killed is an irrelevant point because terrorists dress as civilians, live among the civilians, pose as civilians and hide behind civilians. Therefore, to ask a Marine engaged in combat to make a split second decision as to who is a terrorist or who is the innocent civilian is moot. When we send our men and women to war, we should not burden and encumber them with the niceties of civilized society. If the political piece of society had worked, there would not need to be a war. War is a testament to the failure of the body politic: it is the admission that governments did not reach a peaceful resolution. The moral breakdown begins when governments send individuals to fight in a war and demand that they conduct themselves as a civilized being in the most uncivilized human activity.
In his seminal work, The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell states that when individuals join the military, the rules of existence change. "You're giving up your personal life and accepting a socially determined manner of life in the service of society of which you are a member. That is why I think it is obscene to judge people in terms of civil law for performances that they rendered in time of war. They were acting not as individuals, they were acting as agents of something above them and to which they had by dedication given themselves. To judge them as though they were individual human beings is totally improper."
I believe little that I read in the media these days. But I do remember an old grizzled gunnery sergeant outside of Con Thien who once said to our platoon: "Marines there are three rules of war: Rule number one is that the good and innocent will die. Rule number two is that rule number one never changes. Rule number three is that there will always be another war and Marines will be there to fight it."
Semper Fi,
R. A. Wulff,
Guns, Lima Co,
Third Marines
RVN, '68

As An Old Marine

This for that "young Marine" that has that feeling of "not completing his mission". Don't feel alone. That is part of being a Marine! As an old Marine, I offered my services back to the Corps in 1990, but was told that I was too old. When we went into Iraq , I again offered, but again I was told--too old. When I heard that The Marines had landed in Lebanon to protect the Americans, during this last thing with Israel and the hesbolah,I again offered and again was too old. That is what being a Marine is about-THE FEW THE PROUD THE MARINES. To me, even after Cuba in 62, 2 tours in Nam, Taiwan, 22 months as a Drill Instructor at Parris Island, my tour was not over yet. I will always be with you. We, your Drill Instructors, made you a Marine, just like mine did me.
Sgt C.D. Crutchfield B Co. 1st Bn Parris Island 67-68

Straightforward Account

Friday, Oct. 06, 2006
A Letter From Iraq
A Marine's letter home, with its frank description of life in "Dante's inferno," has been circulating through generals' in- boxes.
Note: you have to go to the website to read this, they had to get permission to print it, and I'm not going to infringe on that. It's pretty interesting, you should check it out. Use the link at the top of the page.

Sgt. Grit, we need to tell all of our brothers to save their money on this piece of junk movie. (The Marine) It has little or nothing to do with the Corps. It is a total disaster and not even close to being worth the matinee and senior discount price. It was produced by the WWE, i.e. Vince McMahon of wrestling infamy. Looking forward to the "Flags of our Father" though.
Dwaine Goodwin
1955382 E4, 1960-1964